I Have Failed Miserably

It's important that I acknowledge my abysmal failure.

Why? Because being an idiot with food is much like being an idiot alcohol or money--you will never get better until you admit wholeheartedly your fuckups.

I started teetering off of my diet and exercise somewhere around mid-November. Yeah, I was finishing up my Master's degree and working, but it would be disingenuous of me to pretend that those were the only factors in me quitting. Truthfully, I just got fucking sick of it. For anyone that's ever had to diet, you can probably relate to this on some level. But if you are trying to lose weight and you also happen to be fat like me, I'm sure what I'm writing right now speaks to the depths of your fatty fat soul. It isn't just that the food sucks when you diet (because it does, anyone who says otherwise is a liar), it's that you get so fucking resentful of people who are a normal weight or thin and they NEVER have to watch what they eat. They can eat that slice of pizza, or have a drink (or 3), and they can indulge in the holiday food fuckery that the end of the year always brings, while playfully joking about the 10 extra pounds they gained, which will melt off of them in the coming two months. (Yes, I KNOW this isn't an accurate portrayal of EVERYONE. But this IS how many people in my situation feel and it can drive you to misery).

Anyway, I stopped tracking my food on Weight Watchers and then started to take a lot of days in a row off of the exercise and that just eventually snowballed into it being the holidays and having far too much temptation around me to resist. So I became sedentary again (with the exception of one or two days of jogging which I did because my husband could see how miserable I was getting and encouraged me to go on a jog with him) and stopped thinking consciously about what I ate all together. I devoured bagels and ate out (in restaurants, you perverts) every chance I could.

Now, I have gained back every ounce of weight I had initially taken off and am starting over again...again...again. I quit Weight Watchers because it recently reinvented itself as well, and now all of the food and recipes I've entered are all different point values. This probably doesn't sound like a big deal, but part of being able to commit to something like this is memorizing those point values so that you can quickly add them to daily allowances. It's much more convenient that way and when you have to start all over again, it is extremely tedious and ultimately discouraging.

I've decided to try the slow-carb diet, which I've done before with some success. Is has it's pros and cons.

Pros: 

• No counting anything as long you only eat the allowed foods.

• One day a week you get to pig-out/ satisfy your cravings.

• Relatively quick results.

 Cons: 

• Very little variety in food.

• No fruit (except on free days).

• No sugar (except on free days). 

The slow-carb diet is definitely challenging, but it is doable. It's also probably the most convenient diet I've ever tried because like I mentioned, you don't really have to count anything. The cheat day thing is a bit tricky, though. On one hand, it's a great incentive throughout the week. If I control myself, I can enjoy the pizza and chocolate on Saturday. On the other hand, it can sometimes backfire because the cheat day can get out of hand. Also, sometimes women can't even get away with a cheat day so we'll see how it goes. I don't really consider this to be an elimination diet though, because at least I'm allowed to have what I want ONE day a week. I KNOW I couldn't give up white carbs forever, but if I can get my fix once a week, I might be okay.
                                                                                                                                                                                 
I've also downloaded an app on my phone called "HabitBull" that helps me track the days I do the shit I'm supposed to do. It's free and very simple to use. Believe it or not, I'm the type of person who is very encouraged by seeing a string of dates on a calendar checked off, so I think having this will help somewhat. Also, having bad habits is pretty much what has gotten me into being overweight. I have a habit of eating too much shit.

Also, what I like about the slow-carb diet is that if you really follow it, you start to notice a change very quickly. I'm talking within a week's time. That's faster than anything else I've ever tried and results are ALWAYS the best incentive to keep doing something.

DIET STARTS MONDAY. 

So here we go again. No idea if this will work or not but I'm willing to try and get my weight down by changing my habits and then maybe eventually, I can start reintroducing some of the bad foods in moderation. I have little to no confidence in myself, because I'm me but I will continue to keep trying this shit until something works or I end up being lifted out of my house by a crane.