The cheat day is awesome, don't get me wrong. But now that I'm starting to get used to no sugar, and eating less portions during the week, I can't seem to put back what I used to anymore. During the week, and especially towards the end of the week (closer to my cheat day) I start having wild fantasies about the amount of food I'm gonna eat. I'll picture myself swimming in rivers of chocolate and dipping donuts into ranch dressing.But when the day does come, I usually clock out around 2 pm. I've really lost my competitive edge when its come to binge eating. I know that's something that I should be glad about, but honestly, I wish I could get more of the foods I like in on Saturdays. It's like I always end up regretting not eating more on that day. It's pretty fucked up, but it gives you an idea of my mentality towards food.
So, I usually end up in a food coma on Saturdays. This gives me some important insight though. It tells me that I still have a long way to go in changing how I mentally deal with my food issues. Instead of just enjoying a treat on my free day, I'm just doing exactly what I used to do before. I eat until I'm sick. Except now, I'm trying to shove a week's worth of shit down my throat in one day so it's even worse. I think I need to take it easy on the free days.
There's also another shitty issue.
Literally every single time I have lost weight, I have also hit a plateau. I honestly don't know what it is about the 15 pound marker, but it is always where I seem to hit an inescapable stretch of needing daily reminders of why I'm putting myself through this in the first place. I like to call it the "Fuck this shit!" period because that's usually how one feels during a plateau. Consequently, it's also where I tend to quit. I've read that this diet can sometimes lead you into a plateau, but that for the most part, you should continue losing weight--especially when you are as overweight as I am. So, the idea that I'm just heading right back into where I have with literally every other diet I've tried is pretty damn infuriating. It's also difficult to explain this frustration to someone who doesn't have to always be hyper aware of what they're eating. If you can eat chocolate, or desserts, or junk food every once in a while without having to really consider it, then you probably take doing that for granted more than you realize. Just try to imagine working extremely hard for something, doing everything you're supposed to do, and then still not getting what you wanted out of it. Now imagine that when you tell people you did everything you were supposed to do that they look at you with a side eye like you're full of shit even though you aren't. Now go though all of that again. And again. And again. That's pretty much what it's like to be a fat person plateauing on a diet.And yet, I'm still cautiously optimistic and it's important for me to acknowledge what I've done right. After all, I have managed to stick with this for a good amount of time. Thirty-seven days on a diet with no white carbs, no dairy, no fruit and no sugar is fucking difficult, even when you have one day of the week to indulge. I'm especially proud of myself for not giving into the tempting food at work. Dear god, the office I work in is full of shitty foods. Cookies, cakes, fried foods, pizza, chicken, chips...it's like there are constant triggers around me. There is literally a file cabinet in our office used solely to store junk food.
I can also give myself some credit in that I am starting to feel more comfortable with this. It was really difficult for the first week, but since then, it's gotten a bit easier for the earlier part of the week. Sunday through Wednesday is all fun and games but once Thursday comes around, I start become a sugar-deprived super cunt. Oh well. My next goal is to make it 66 days. I would write how many days I have left, but I'm honestly too damn full to do math.
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