Why a Health Coach Didn't Work for Me

There once was a time...

About a year ago, I was extremely depressed about my problem with food. I had pretty much conceded that I would probably always be massively overweight and might never find something that worked for me. I hated taking pictures with my husband, because I am so much larger than him. I ate to the point of feeling like I might throw up, and then I ate some more. I told myself that as long as I threw some vegetables in each day, it was okay if I was eating almost 3 times the amount I should have been.

Then, right at the crux of my misery, I happened to stumble upon a blog by a woman who labeled herself as a health and wellness coach. At first glance, I was not impressed. I didn't like the idea of saying I had a health coach, because it sounds trivial and meaningless. Why would I  pay someone to tell me that I eat like shit? I already knew that.

So, why did I end up actually paying her?

Because she also came from a place of fat. I scrolled down through the blog and read that she had once weighed 300 pounds--a weight which I was on a fast track to becoming. It appealed to me that she might somehow understand how insidious a food addiction can be. How you can go so easily from being on point, focused and motivated, to being deeper in depression than before you had started. How every single time you fail at a diet or exercise plan, you dig yourself deeper into your own grave and that every time you eat it's like shoveling another round of dirt onto your coffin. I needed someone who understood that.

I paid the fees and signed the prerequisite forms, and we scheduled our first Skype session. She told me all about her own journey, a word I still despise since the connotation is something new and exciting and my diet and exercise regimen is anything but.

She seemed down-to-earth enough and so I thought, why not? Maybe I just needed someone who could hold me accountable.

I was very successful my first few weeks of dieting. I always am because the first few weeks come at the height of an eating binge and when you very suddenly switch from eating nothing but processed shit to eating whole foods in much smaller portions, then the weight seems to melt. Unfortunately, that never lasts as long as you think it will and the inevitable plateau comes.

Around the time that I started hitting a plateau, I was also working full time, in grad school full time, directing/writing the musical for my high school (a production with over 150 students), and trying to support my husband, who was unemployed. It was more than stressful, it was fucking killing me. After hours at work, and then an hour or two of rehearsal, and then an hour or two of classes, I was so fucking spent that chopping vegetables and counting calories seemed like an impossibility.

But here's what tipped me off...

As would be expected, I was slipping very quickly with the diet and exercise. I was able to keep myself within the calorie limit, but didn't have the time to always prepare a perfectly balanced meal. So, although I was technically doing what my health coach asked of me, she eventually started pointing out that my macronutrients weren't balanced enough. At one point, she actually told me that I needed to cut down on the half an apple I was eating each morning for breakfast! She said that because I ate it with half a cup of oatmeal, it was too many carbs. So then I switched to two eggs and she said it was too much fat. Eventually, I started getting fucking pissed. Why didn't she just tell me exactly what to fucking eat everyday?

She also began to become unnecessarily passive aggressive when talking about what I ate for the week. Perhaps that was also part of the problem. Each and every meeting, the first thing she did was run through a list of all the foods I had eaten and try very surreptitiously to shame me for eating them. I'm not sure if she expected me to never eat anything good again, but I made it very clear to her at the beginning that elimination diets never work for me.  I would be having ice cream and pizza every once in a while. One time, I entered into tracker that I had taken a bite of a brownie, and the next meeting she said, "I guess you had that because you wanted it, right?" Like there would be any other fucking reason I would eat a brownie.

Finally, after explaining to her how busy I was, and hearing her lecture me about how everyone has the time (which is complete bullshit), the moment that I truly knew I needed to get rid of her was when she outright told me that I needed to give all the other areas in my life the absolute bare minimum in order to succeed at the diet and exercise. Think about that...she wanted me to sacrifice my career, my studies, my students, and my husband, in order to make the diet work.

I didn't seek out a health coach to push me into not giving a shit about anything but health and fitness. I wanted someone who could help me figure out how to fit health and fitness into my life without compromising what I care about the most.

Now, I'm not conceding that ALL health coaches are like this, but it certainly has tainted me for good. I'm actually really fucking sick of the whole "What's your excuse?" mentality. Things like work, children, spouses, and school are not excuses, they are FUCKING REASONS! Reasons to live and yes, sometimes, reasons why you can't always buy the grass-fed beef or cook the gluten free stew.

This inevitably leads these "No excuses" types to argue that if we don't drop everything and make health our number one priority, then certainly we will die. This is an all or nothing argument. Not making health number 1 does not absolutely guarantee that my health won't be a priority at all. Like, you either run 5 miles a day and eat nothing but vegetables, or you devour 5000 calories and need a crane to lift you out of your house. There are a lot of other points along that scale.

Everyone's situation is different, and although I am not at a healthy weight, I am also not at a point where I feel like I will die from cardiac arrest if I ever have a slice of pizza again (and I will). I am now seeing an actual mental health professional, and my eating habits have not been out of control since. Health coaches may not be able to help you do that. At least mine didn't. And all slippery slopes aside, I would much rather find a way to make health work with all the other aspects of my life that are important to me. Because if I didn't have my husband, career, or friends I most certainly wouldn't give a shit about living longer. Live longer for what?

Bullet Point Update

UPDATE...

• I have not quit dieting and exercising, I just haven't written because my grad classes started up again and I'm fuckin' BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSYYYYYY.
• I've lost 21 pounds total.
• Kanye West is douche-prick.
• I didn't track any food on Saturday cause I went to a wedding and I like to enjoy myself every once in a while instead of spending half the night trying to count fucking calories.
• I didn't lose any weight this week. (See above bullet point).
• Keeping up with the cooking AND exercise is becoming more and more difficult but I am hopelessly optimistic that I will continue to do this shit. 
• If you type "incessant swamp ass" into the Weight Watchers activity calculator, nothing will come up. 
• Pizza Marzano has a delicious salad that is over 900 MOTHERFUCKIN' calories. It's called the Primavera salad and it can suck my dick. 
• I can't stop listening to "Take Me to Church" by Hozier. 
• I've made crock pot chili at least 10 thousand times since starting my diet.
• I'm extremely thankful for the pee hole that they put in spanks. Seriously, I can't imagine having to pull those up more than once in a night. 
• An English guy called me a "smiley cookie" and I still don't know if that was a compliment. But since cookies are generally fucking awesome, I'm just gonna say it is. 
• I do not look any different despite losing 21 pounds. Probably nobody believes me. 
• Because I have anxiety, I sometimes worry that I'm eating too much of this or that. 
• I ordered fancy exercise clothes that were very expensive. Disclaimer: They're just spandex clothes and I wasted a lot of money. 
• I'm genuinely curious how some women have time to diet, exercise, shave, wear presentable clothing, AND put on makeup. Seriously, how the fuck can you do that? Do just replace your meal times with these activities?
• I have an idea for my next post, but I need to record some video, so please be patient with me.
• A big thank you to Sean for giving me some valuable feedback on my blog. Also, I'm sorry I didn't know you were color blind.  

You may now return to your regularly scheduled program. 

The Real Reason Why "Dear Fat People" is Offensive

The last week has been pretty exciting for fat people. 

A woman named Nicole Arbour recently posted a video called "Dear Fat People" in which she basically does what she calls a stand up act about the subject of fat shaming. The video went viral, and now people all over the internet are freaking out because of the offensive nature of her comments. Here's a link to the video in case you haven't seen it:

                                                                                 

It's important to note that Arbour has said that she was not to be taken seriously and that the video was meant to be satire. But it's also important to note that Arbour doesn't understand what satire is. We'll get to that a bit later.

For now, though, I want to make something clear about why this video is offensive to me. I am not offended by the fact that Arbour is mean spirited when talking about fat people. There are plenty of assholes in the world, and if I got offended about all of them, I would have barely any time at all to complain about dieting. 

What is offensive, however, is how EXCEEDINGLY UNFUNNY this video is. I was expecting to hear at least a couple of things that would make me chuckle, but instead was just left staring blankly at my computer screen, listening to jokes my middle school students would think were stupid. This did not hurt my feelings in any way, it was just...disappointing. Watching it actually reminded me of bullies in school who would make fun of a fat person by yelling "Fatty!" or  puffing out their arms to allude to having a larger physique when a fat person walks by. This is not funny, because humor should have at least some element of being clever, creative, or thought provoking. Something is not humor simply because it is mean or stupid. (Yes, there is more slapstick humor, but even that requires that you have timing.)

Arbour's video is just downright lazy. In it, she does nothing more than repeat the same tired tropes and overused insults of any slow, insecure high school jock.  At one point, she actually compares fat people to Frankenstein. Because you know, Frankenstein couldn't run fast? (I'll give you a moment to recover from the side-splitting laughter). 

What's worse is that she seems to think that this is satire. Satire doesn't mean telling bad jokes about something controversial in order to score extra followers or subscribers. Satire is intelligent humor used to point out the flaws and hypocrisies of people or societies. There is absolutely nothing intelligent about Arbour's jokes. They aren't creative. They aren't unique. They don't provoke thought. They're boring, bland, and painfully overused. 

 

Can someone make jokes about fat people in a way that is funny?

Of course! Here are a few of my favorite examples:

                              

    

Notice that Chris Rock is making a thought-provoking point through humor: We live in a world in which nobody really likes who they are and everybody is made to feel as though they should be ashamed of some part of their physical selves. Chris is praising fat black women because although this is the reality they live in, fat black women refuse to let that dictate whether or not they can have confidence in themselves. 

This humor is intelligent and (as is a requirement for humor) actually funny. Please also note that Chris Rock is NOT a fat person. But because his humor is intelligent and truthful, he doesn't have to be in order to speak about fat people.   

Now, here's the part where you think that I'm just mad because I'm a fat person and I just don't want her to hurt my big fat feelings.

Well, let's look at another example:

  

                                                                                                                                                                                

Ricky Gervais makes many of the same points that Arbour makes in her video, so it might be a bit perplexing to understand why his material is so funny while hers falls flat. That's because Gervais's observations are clever and creative. Do I agree that ALL obese people are that way because they have no will power? Of course not. Do I agree that obesity isn't a disease? Not really. But it doesn't matter, because Gervais is presenting important points of irony within that whole debate. I'm not on his side, but that doesn't mean it can't be funny. 

As a more specific example, both Arbour and Gervais talk about having room on an airplane. But while Arbour makes a very obvious, uninspiring "joke" about a person's fat falling on to her, Gervais hilariously points out that we can't make all the seats accessible to obese people, because then there would only be 12 seats in the whole plane!  I think this bit is hilarious, actually. And it doesn't offend me--even as someone who is obese. I can disagree and at the same time, still think something is funny. Gervais is highlighting the irony of an issue, Arbour is highlighting her own hatred.

And yet another example...

 

You'll have to jump to 2:45 in the video to get to the material about fat people. There are few comics in the world who I believe could hold a candle to the late George Carlin, so please understand that it pains me to have to make any sort of comparison to someone like Arbour.

BUT...my point here is that Carlin was a MASTER at creating humor around truthful and prevalent issues using brilliant rhetoric. He talks about the issue of America's overindulgence in everything, especially food. And yes, he points out that there are a LOT of enormously fat people in the United States. And know what? He was right. And even today, he still is. 

The difference, though, is that Carlin is zeroing in on the issue of overindulgence itself, not proclaiming that fat people are X, Y, or Z. He's using observational comedy to pinpoint many different situations which are funny in regards to fat people. And it is brilliant comedy, unlike the material presented in Arbour's video.

And finally...

 

What is probably the biggest difference I can see between these examples and Arbour's work is that none of the comedians I mentioned before (Rock, Gervais, or Carlin) tried to claim some sort of stake in how their work affects fat people. They were saying their material because it's funny. Arbour, in her video, at some point says something to the effect of, "Well, if shaming fat people makes them lose weight, I'm ok with that." As if she were some type of innovative hero. Yes, Arbour, you've truly changed the world.

Seriously, though, if someone is going to talk about fat people under the guise of being a 'comedian,' then at the VERY, VERY least, you should be funny. I'm not offended because what you said was provocative. I'm offended because your comedy sucks dick.

A Graphic Representation of my Diet

This last week has been far better than the previous two. I've gotten into the groove of cooking my meals on the weekend, and it turns out that week I didn't lose any weight was well made up for the following week. I'm still very slowly, but steadily losing weight.

BUT...

There are still those little things that get on my nerves about the whole weight-loss-inspiring-transformation-life-chaging-healthy journey thing I'm doing. Here are some graphs and charts to represent all the annoyances in my humdrum life:

Yeah, let it be known that you cannot spot reduce people!      

When you lose weight, you lose it wherever the fuck your body decides it wants to. Luckily for me, someone who is already grossly over-pear shaped, I'm losing it all on the top first. This is why I always hate the first few months of dieting, because it actually just starts to make my body look even more ridiculous than it already does. So while I'm down a bra size, I can still balance a glass of water on my ass.

Seriously, my ass is already freakishly big, and now that my waist is getting smaller, it looks like I could be in a side show. Benji is afraid to go into any store with me that has glass objects because he knows my ass will probably end up knocking them all off the shelves! 

I'll never understand people who say that after dieting, they feel like they will never eat junk food again. That's good, then stay over there, high-and-mighty. I, for one, could still eat an entire tray of Oreos and though I'm not necessarily proud of it, I'm not about to deny it either. That's like forgetting who you are. So, most of my day is thinking about unhealthy food and how much I long for it.

There's no exaggeration here. 

Seriously, who is in charge of where they put these things? It's almost like grocery stores are playing a sick game to see how many places they can put shitty/delicious food that's in your line of vision. "Oh look, some organic cauliflower! And right next to it...cotton candy flavored carrots?" What the fuck?

Shit starts gettin' real around Thursday. 

For real though, the further into the week it is, the longer it's been since my cheat day and you should therefore not engage. On Monday, I have a new lease on life. I decide I'm gonna get my shit together. I consider taking a Pilates class. By Friday,  I start scrounging through the community fridge at work, like an alcoholic looking for a quick fix in rehab. Just scrape that mold off the cheese, I'll take what I can get!

There's nothing much that has really changed about this one. 

Overall, I'm doing okay. I seem to be doing well, actually. And I'm afraid to admit that almost because this is usually around the time I start fucking things up. But if I do, I'll be sure to let you know.

What Would Have Happened if the 5K Weren't Cancelled

I'm still pissed The Color Run was cancelled. 

So, I decided to pretend like it wasn't and take pictures of all the shit that certainly would have happened if I had actually attempted to run it.

The morning would start out spectacularly well:

 

I totally got this. I'm ready.

Cute pose before the run! I'm gonna look exactly the same after this is all over!

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look at me! I'm running a 5K!

This is so easy! Why do people say running sucks?

Ladida! All fancy and free.

I'm killing it! 

 I might even have gotten a little cocky. 

Just stretchin' my glutes.

Of course, there would be distractions...

 

Eventually, reality would start to set in.  

 

"How long have I been running? I'm almost finished right?" "Ashley, you haven't even made it to the starting line yet."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The pressure of finishing the race would start to take its toll. 

 

 

But one way or another, I would've found a way to get to the finish line...

 

I think I saw a sign saying to go this way.

I'll just hop on over and join the others.

No harm, no foul. Totally legit.

No one saw me, good.

Suckers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There would be moments of desperation...

Oh THANK GOD! Water!

And times when it would seem all hope was lost.

For Christ's sake! I said go around!!!!

"Seriously, how far am I now?" "About half way."

DEAR GOD WHY?!!!?!??!

But eventually, I would muster up the strength so that I wouldn't be last.

You're not taking my second to last spot, bitch!

 

When all was said and done, I'd be happy sort of. 

Nope, not sweaty at all.

And that concludes my epic fantasy 5K.

I'd like to take a second to acknowledge that I have the perfect husband. All I said to him was, "Babe, I need you take some pictures of me outside." And he didn't ask any questions, he just went along with it. Also, thanks to that random woman who let me take a picture of her and was a great sport.

This is What It's Like to Feel Defeated

Why, Health Gods, Have You Conspired Against Me?

It's been a pretty shitty week in the world of uninspiring diet and exercise. It feels like shit started snowballing on Sunday...

I didn't lose any god damn weight.

I weigh-in on Sundays and last week, to my dismay, I realized I hadn't lost anything. Zero. Nada. Kosong...I don't know how to say nothing in any other language. How can I express how frustrating this is when you've been working your ass off to do everything right? FOR FUCK'S SAKE! Yeah, yeah, I know that weight fluctuation and water retention are things. Things that happen. Things that are relatively unavoidable.

But....it still sucks. And I'm sure any of you reading this who have ever been on a diet know exactly what I'm talking about. In addition to not losing anything, I also have anxiety and have started to worry if anything that I'm eating might be causing me to gain back what I've lost. It's like you just look at the Corn Flakes and think 'Are you the one, motherfucker?'

Cooking was extremely unsuccessful last week. FAIL!

I like to cook most of my meals for the week on Saturday and Sunday because it's much more convenient to come home and just have to heat something up. But this last week, I made two god damn monstrosities in the kitchen. First, I made come chicken taco chili. I've made it before and it is usually absurdly delicious and easy to take to work for my lunches. However, I also made this the same night that I decided to go out and have a few drinks with some friends. I very foolishly trusted my husband to remember to turn the crock pot off at 8pm. He forgot. So when I came home at around 12:30, that fucking chili had shriveled up into hard beans and the driest damn chicken you've ever seen. It wasn't even a soup anymore, just balls of beans and chicken.


THEN....I made a casserole and fucking up this one was completely my fault. I think because I was so pissed off by the chili, I just sort of half-assed the casserole. It was truly atrocious. I ate them both because I paid for all that food and I also don't like wasting a ton of food either. So for the last week, my lunches and dinners have been awful.

My hopes and dreams were cancelled.

In a surprisingly inspiring twist of fate, I decided to sign up for a 5K run. It has been a goal of mine to run one for a while, and signing up gave me such a boost of motivation. Benji and I have been jogging almost every night since. Those of you who know me well understand that this is a big fucking deal for me. Especially since jogging usually goes like this for me:

So when I opened my inbox and saw a message from The Color Run Jakarta, I expected it to be a letter reminding me to pick up my race pack next week. Instead, it was a very short note stating curtly that the event had been cancelled. CANCELLED! WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It's almost like there is some  god of fitness out there that's just like, "Looks like Ashley might be doing pretty well with this diet and exercise thing. You know what, let's cancel that one thing she was actually looking forward to."

I'm still surrounded by dicks at work. 

Oh?

This last week at my school we had sports day and all the teachers participated in aerobics. I thought this was fun until many of the teachers came up to comment on how shocked they were that I could move. Not move quickly, or be agile, literally just move.

"Oh, Ms. Ashley, you can do it!" (Ohhs and ahhs from the crowd.)

"Maybe if you do like this everyday Ms., you can look like Ms. Sekar." (Pointing at another skinny teacher.)

"It's good that you exercise, Ms. Ashley. It will make you healthy." 

Please, tell me more about having a healthy lifestyle while you shove fried shit down your throats and reap the benefits of skinny genes. (Yes, I meant to spell it like that.)

But there's good news. 

So far, this weekend has been very successful cooking wise. Hopefully tomorrow, I don't step on the scale and discover that I've still made no progress. That would just be the cherry on top of another fucked up Sunday. (Yes, I meant to spell it like that.)

How to Have a Fat Friend

I'm not gonna tell you what to do.

You're an adult and you can do or say whatever you want. So please don't take this as some type of supreme guide or wagging of the finger towards you, because that really isn't the intent. The intent is really just to reveal how fat women are sometimes made to feel around their non-fat friends. This in no way means that non-fat people are devoid of problems or their own insecurities. Of course they aren't! But there is a very particular dynamic of being a fat woman with non-fat friends and I'd like to give you just a bit of insight into how it feels. So, please don't tell me all your problems. Don't tell me I'm being one-sided: I know that I am, because I am approaching this issue from one particular side that I fully understand and want others to understand better. Also, because there are a million descriptors for body types, I'm going to refer to people who aren't fat as non-fat friends. No, I don't think you are skim milk, but it's just an easy way to identify without having to write three million adjectives. So, how can you have a fat friend?

 

Laugh with us.

This has been difficult for many of my friends, especially my female friends. I will very often (as in, almost every other sentence) use self-deprecating humor about my weight. First, because it's awesome to make people laugh. Second, because I really do have a sense of humor about my body, the impossible standards to which all women are held, and my destructive relationship with food. I think it sometimes becomes tricky for my non-fat friends because it's hard for them to know if laughing will make me angry. No, it won't. I want you to laugh with me, that's why I made the joke. I want you to know and understand that I am not some frail little ball of insecurity, ready to unravel at the slightest judgement. Fat people are sturdy, and not just because of their weight. We have been judged and probably ridiculed our entire lives, and because of that we are not easy to break. Also, we just want you to have fun with us. So please, if I make a joke about my enormous ass, or feeling like I'm gonna break the stool at the bar, just laugh with me. This doesn't mean you have to confirm how fat we are, just laughing is sufficient.

 

Don't call yourself fat if you're far smaller than us. 

This probably seems unfair because of course, all women are entitled to feel insecure about their bodies sometimes. It's natural for EVERYONE to feel shitty about the way that they look at least at some point in their lives. But if you are quite thin, or at least much thinner than your fat friend, please do not call yourself fat in front of them. This is usually a way of reaching out for reassurance. I've many times in my life, had thin women call themselves fat cows or pigs in front of me simply so I could give the anticipated response of "Oh my god, no you're not! You're so thin! I wish I could be as skinny as you..." etc. This packs a very particular punch when the person you are saying it to is much larger than you because if you're a fat pig, what does that make me? A dinosaur?

You may be thinking to yourself, 'Why is it ok for fat people to make fun of themselves in front of us, but not ok for us to do it in front of them?' I'm glad you asked!! There's actually a huge difference between these things. First of all, when I talked about laughing with us it is because the type of self-deprecation I was referring to is based in HUMOR, not in an attempt to fish for complements. Also, the reason it's funny when fat people do it is because, like all great humor, it is based on the truth. We may use hyperbole to jest about our fatness, but it's funny because it's reality. When a thin person does it, the humor does not translate because they obviously have no idea what being fat is like. Lastly, there is a biting insensitivity that comes along with this. Imagine a man walking up to someone in a wheelchair and complaining about how tired he is from taking the stairs.

 

Please stop comparing us to Melissa McCarthy. 

I can say without the slightest hint of exaggeration that Melissa McCarthy is a supremely amazing woman. She has a beautiful family, a wonderfully successful career, and is legitimately one of the funniest human beings on the planet. So, when I say stop comparing me to her, it is not from lack of respect. That woman is wonderful. But really, I'm being compared to her for only one reason: we're both fat. I understand, it's kind of the first thing people notice but it feels pretty insincere when someone tells me I look just like her. No, I really, really don't. You're just seeing two fat people. The same goes for Adele. My whole office currently calls me Adele any time I wear makeup even though we don't at all look similar. Look! It's a fat girl with a pretty face! (Proceed to go through Rolodex of famous fat girls with pretty faces and....)Adele! Yes, that's who you look like.

 

Try to stand up for us. 

I get it. It's fucking awkward when someone says something shitty. I completely understand not wanting to be confrontational. But fat people are constantly being trash talked, and this often happens in front of their non-fat friends. Even saying something as simple as "Dude, don't be a dick," would be greatly appreciated. Also, if someone says something shitty about your fat friend's weight when they're not around, correct that shit ASAP. Going along with it or just staying quiet is a signal to that person that it's okay to be a shithead to your friend. I was once at a bar, talking with a male friend when another guy just walked over, gave me a horribly dirty look and then turned to my friend and said, "I'm wondering why you're over here talking to some fat chick."(Here, fat was not used merely as a descriptor, but as an insult). I can usually think of some type of comeback when this happens (and yes, it happens often) but I was so taken aback by this man's attack, that I just kind of stood there, waiting for my friend to respond. But he didn't, he just smiled and let the asshole keep talking until I walked away. Now, I'm still friends with this man and he's actually a really awesome guy. I could see that night that he felt extremely awkward. But, come on! You can't just be like, "What the fuck's your problem?" Would you let someone sling any other insults at your friend? Would you just sit there while someone called your friend ugly, worthless, or stupid? Probably not. You don't have to be a hero or anything, but just letting people know that they shouldn't be dicks goes a long way in helping to weed them out, especially since that dickhead wouldn't care if the fat person themselves responded, but might care if you do.

 

You can be upfront and still be kind.

There are sometimes situations in which a very overweight person might have trouble because of their weight. If you're concerned about one of these particular situations, it's best to just be completely upfront with your fat friend. For example, if you plan on going sky diving with your group of friends, and you don't know if your fat friend will be able to do it, just talk to them about it. Invite them along. Trust me, there will immediately be sirens going off in their head with a neon sign flashing WEIGHT LIMIT! WEIGHT LIMIT! Your fat friend will figure out if she can do this and then get back to you. However, it's not the best policy to try and avoid your fat friend all together during this topic of conversation. She'll find out about it one way or another and then realize that you were leaving her out. This makes us feel worse because you either A) know she won't be able to do it and pity her, B) are embarrassed for her or C) are assuming she couldn't handle not being able to do it. So just invite them along and see what they say. It can also be very simple tasks, but no matter what, if you assume someone is going to get angry, it kind of does make them angry. For example, the first year at my job, the female teachers were doing a dance performance for Chinese New Year. We all had to wear a costume and the other teachers needed my measurements. I could very obviously see that they were whispering to each other in the office about how to ask me for them, until I just said, "Hey, I already know them and can write them down for you." But the whole treating me like I'm some type of ticking time bomb or frail little flower is extremely condescending and frustrating. Be upfront. Be kind. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.  

 

Acknowledge that your fat friend is treated differently.

This is always the one filled with the most contention. I have met people before who, although they are lovely to me, just cannot concede that fat people are treated differently than thin people. I've seen people scrunch up their faces at this, or roll their eyes as if this is just some imaginary insecurity I have. Trust me, it isn't. Fat people are treated differently by most everyone, sometimes intentionally, but (I believe) mostly subconsciously.

As an example, I worked as a waitress for a while and after taking some man's order, (a bowl of chili) I asked the extremely standard question, "Will that be all for you?" The man looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing he'd ever seen. I mean, really, his disgust was palpable. He said, quite angrily, "It's a huge bowl!" I finished taking orders from the rest of his family and while walking away, heard him say "Jesus, how much does she expect people to eat?!"

Just as there is privilege that comes with being white or being male, there is privilege that comes with being thin. People do not assume you are lazy, or unhealthy, or that you eat only junk food all the time if you are thin (although you could very well be all of these things). They DO assume this all when you are fat. When you eat a slice of pizza, people do not think that you should limit yourself. In fact, if you are a thin woman and you joke about binge watching Netflix and eating copious amounts of chocolate, you are considered cute. If a fat person says this, they are met with looks of concern or sometimes disgust. It's a sad but true reality: fat people are treated poorly. I'm not arguing about whose fault this is (I think there's many to blame), but if you are thin and you have a fat friend, try to be understanding of this. You don't have to single-handedly change the way society functions, but awareness does help.

Contra-suck-my-dic-tion

We're gonna talk about what pisses me off the most about diet and exercise: contradiction. Seriously, is there even one definitive health issue out there that hasn't at some point been derailed  (sometimes more than once) by "health experts" who say you can't eat this or do that because it will give you some horrible, incurable disease or because it's actually poisonous? Please, let me know if you find one because I'm am honestly so fed up with it all. Granted, many of these contradictions are the result of fad diets that are inevitably broken down by the next naysayer, usually within just a few months time. But it still makes it even more difficult to stay "healthy." Here are just some of these contradictions:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'll give you a moment to recover from the vertigo. 

This shit is insane and I am inundated with it EVERY. DAMN. DAY. Now, some of these articles mentioned moderation, and others didn't. But the bigger problem is that there doesn't seem to be a consensus one way or the other. EVERYTHING is up for debate in the healthosphere, and it makes it even more fucking difficult for people to know how to eat and exercise. Seriously, how the hell am I supposed to figure out how to live healthily if not even the "health experts" can agree on the best way? Seriously...

You know what? Just have the slice of cake. Drink the espresso, and eat the hot dog. Go for a jog and then have some cheese on your salad.  Try your best to be healthy, because clearly, nobody can actually agree on what that means anyway.